Writings
Memoir Stories

So what does this mean for me? I have a twin brother and sister 3 years older, and my oldest brother 6 years older, and my oldest sister 9 years older. I came as the fifth child and last daughter, the youngest of the girls. My mother was often so sick that she was placed in a hospital or afterwards in a clinic for a while to recover. My grandparents came in to help, as well as a young girl of 16 years old sent by the Catholic church. She did the laundry, household cooking and took care of us. Of course it was way too much for this young girl who actually was also kind of simple minded. My parents didn’t have the money to pay for somebody, and my father, who was the provider, worked hard underground in the coal mine. Bills needed to be paid, and food needed to be on the table. I had brothers and sisters that looked after me often under the supervision of grandparents. So I had to listen to them, but they didn’t need to listen to me. I came later into the family - maybe when I was 2 and a half years old, almost three years old. So, I was a stranger because my mother’s mother and my grandmother treated me as an only child and suddenly I had to share with others and even listen to brothers and sisters who were unfamiliar to me. You have to adapt as a way of surviving. The only thing I remember is that I held onto my teddy bear which was my only big friend and always with me. My youngest brother - 18 months younger than me - went across the street to the care of my father’s parents - our grandparents. When I was 3 and a half years old, I was put in kindergarten as an exception because of our home situation. I was actually too young and very scared of a large group of older children. There was no kindergarten close by so other neighbor kids picked me up and took me over to this far away kindergarten. When I became 4 years old, the new kindergarten was opened and close by that I could walk to on my own. I do remember how happy I felt, and everything was so new, and the group was much smaller. I do remember my teacher's name: Ms. Louise and she was the kindest person I met besides my family. From there on everything went well according to schools and education. My start in my family was a rocky one but became better over the years. My parents were financially short because my father was the only provider for his sick wife and 6 children. He worked as hard as he could but there is only so much you can do. That meant for me that my clothing was mostly given down the line - new for my oldest sister - then down to my other older sister and then it was my turn. The same with the shoes - they were used but they painted them white or black so I still could use them. But guess what? I was happy with whatever I received, and my mother, if she was back home, mostly changed it a little bit and sewed a flower on it so I was happy. She often made a blouse or a dress from used clothing she received from family or neighbors by hand. She was creative in this way and had a diploma for seamstress. But because of her sickness she was not able to do something with it other than making something for me sometimes. One time I do remember I couldn’t go to school because I had no shoes anymore and my sister had to tell the teacher that I was sick. I was 10 years old. After a few days I got some old shoes from one of the neighbor kids and my mother had to whiten them. I was so happy to return to school - my mother kept me busy over the lost days with household work. I was not allowed to tell the truth of why I was not at school and had to keep up the lie of being sick. Somehow, I felt embarrassed anyway so that made it easy to keep up this lie. I always felt different and never really had a strong feeling of connection with my parents and brothers and sisters. I felt this connection a little bit better with both of my grandparents where I always was welcome and they nurtured me. Once when I was an adult and living on my own, my connection became better with all of them. There were always differences between my older sisters and brothers, but I learned to live with it, and this background made me strong living here far away from home in the USA. And most importantly I feel very happy here. I am aware that I have a wonderful life!!

We lived in a small row home of only 3 bedrooms with a small front yard and a larger back yard. My fathers hobby was holding pigeons for flying long distances in a race with other pigeon lovers. So part of the back yard had a pigeon run and another part we had a vegetable garden. I was about 8 years old and had 2 older sisters and brothers. My mother had a brain tumor behind her left eye that couldn’t be removed. She always wore dark glasses in winter or summer time to ease the pain. What I didn’t know at that time is that she had a hysterectomy and had menopausal symptoms like hot flashes and mood swings. Our house was built of bricks and gave some coolness in the summer and held on to the heat in the winter time. But when we had a heat wave in the summer and with no air conditioning it could be very uncomfortable. We had small windows and when there was no breeze it was unbearable for my mother. Since she couldn’t be that much outside because of the bright sunlight she felt often trapped in her own house and space. Especially in summertime when we had school vacation and were at home all the time. We had no patio in the back but my father got the idea to do something for my mothers condition. He painted the outside walls in a white color of the house in the back. Then he put some old sheets together and connected them from wall to the wall that separated the yard from our neighbors. We had no money for extra expenses like patio furniture so because the kitchen door was our exit to the back, he carried the kitchen table and chairs outside. Now it was safe for my mother to sit outside all day long and enjoy the outside. She became in a better mood and it felt good for all of us. We loved to eat outside and not in the kitchen. It just was different and I always thought it tasted better outside. Only when the weather looked bad then my older brothers took the kitchen furniture inside and took the sheets off but that was not so often. I do remember having great summers. We had no money for vacation but my mother purchased a family summer public swimming pool membership. Almost every day we went to the pool that was a 40 minute walk early in the morning till almost closing time. Packed with sandwiches of peanut butter or apple butter and bottles of cold tea as well as a piece of fruit. Sometimes we also got some money like a dime for buying some candy. Mostly we did errands for my mother like getting books for her from the library or returning empty bottles to receive a deposit. We were tired but satisfied at night and often after a late dinner went to bed. We didn't have much money either because my mother was often sick and my father was the only provider for 5 kids but I never felt that we were short of our happiness in summer time. My parents made it work and we enjoyed every day of eating outside in the back of our house or being at the public swimming pool. My memories give me a smile on my face and feel a sweetness toward my family.

My earliest memories are going back to when I was three years old and lived with my grandmother on my moms side. We lived in the South of the Netherlands and most of her sisters and brothers lived in the North. Her favorite sister named Aunt Bep lived in Amsterdam and often we took a train trip to visit her. The train trips took a long time (2.5 hours) and I always liked the delicious sandwiches and lemonade. The scenery passed by very fast and half the time I was just sleeping because sometimes we arrived by night and it was dark. I do remember in Amsterdam the trolley and the canals with the boats and we also fed the beautiful colored duckies with leftover bread. Mostly we stayed for several days and I also remember the small grocery store at the corner where I always received rock candy white or brown. Later on when my grandmother landed in the hospital for hip surgery she took me over to stay with Aunt Bep and her family for weeks. I couldn’t go back to my parents because my mother was still too sick to care for her 6 children and went in and out of hospitals all over the country. My mother was dealing with a brain tumor that affected her walking because she was paralyzed from the waist down. When I was 3.5 years old I came back to the family as well as my other siblings too because my mother could stay home and received home care by the Catholic church. My grandmother of my fathers side came over often to help out with us kids. Years later when I was 8 years old my mother was cured because of brain surgery and that is when we started to make day trips in summertime as a family but one trip a year. Mostly they were organized bus trips and one of those bus trips took us to Belgium province Wallonia where they have the biggest waterfall of 15 meter tall. The language was French which was difficult for us since no one of us spoke French. The tour guide helped us out with everything. Also you could go in little boats into grottos and see the beautiful art of stalactite formed by nature. It made such an impression on me and I loved it!!! Another time we went to the Ardenne in Belgium which is a very magical forest and spectacular landscapes. We looked at it from a train trip that went through it to Luxembourg. Here they speak 3 languages because Luxembourg is divided in a French part - a German part and a Dutch part. In this city we enjoyed the little cute houses with their red colored roofs and their terraces where we could enjoy our drinks with the speciality of the Luxembourg pastry “Apple Klatzen” and “Appel Kuch. (Apple Tart & Dainty Apple Cake). There was also a castle open to the public and I always loved castles - I grew up between 2 small castles. Of course we visited this beautiful old big castle named: “Grand Ducal Palace” from 1572. Everything inside was still authentic and you could smell the ages it lived through. Most castles have hidden rooms and I thought that was so interesting to hide from the enemy and their way of surviving. What I do remember too is the arsenal of iron weapons they had and also knight’s armor. On the walls they had beautiful hand woven carpets as well as on the rock floors too but that was fenced off to save it from damage. Another year we went to Germany by a bus trip to “Keulen” a big city in Germany where they had a huge church called “The Dom van Keulen '' or in English: “Cologne Cathedral”. You could spend a day just walking around and looking at this old church artwork from the year 1248. Of course my parents paid for an organized round tour that explained every artwork with name and history behind it. I always loved everything like this and it was so much fun to do this as a family what we missed for years but we caught up to it. Cologne was also famous for their open air Christmas market all year long. It was a pleasure to look at the specialized handmade glazed and painted ornaments. I was in awe and wonder like I was walking in a candy store. It was easy for us to understand and speak the German language because my father was half German and we grew up bilingual. We also visited cities in the Netherlands like Maastricht, the oldest city of the Netherlands with still buildings from the year 400 and cobblestones. I do remember a stand outside that made home cut french fries with specialized sour/sweet meat over it and with homemade mayonnaise. If I go back to the Netherlands I will still go to Maastricht to this place that has been a family business for over 70 years and they have a secret recipe. It is not healthy actually but soooo good - I just love it!! My parents saved money during the year for this kind of enjoyment as well as for Christmas. Because my father was the only provider and my mother couldn’t work because of her weak condition. She was already happy to do what she could and taking care of her own kids. My father worked in the coal mine and made extra hours so he could give this to his family. God Bless my father and mother who did a wonderful job as much as possible. We were definitely loved by them. I am grateful for my sweet childhood vacation memories.

I was 14 years old and the fifth of my siblings of 6. I had 2 older sisters, 2 older brothers and 1 younger brother. I always wanted to catch up with my 2 older sisters. I was the baby girl but wanted to be held as a grown-up teenager. I was not a child anymore and wanted to have this recognition so what to do about it? It all depended on that age how your appearance was. I even wanted a new bra while nobody could see the design or brand but it was just all about your inner feeling of confidence with yourself. I do remember I chose a pink bra covered with little cute flowers - understand this was in the flower power time. For the first time I would have nylons but at that time at least in the Netherlands a pantyhose didn’t exist so it was the old fashioned nylon holders which I never liked. Of course, I wanted a short skirt because this was in 1967 but my father didn’t agree and my mother decided that I could have one – corduroy material – gold colored – just above my knee and I was in Heaven. My sister gave me a tight top of hers but then my father didn’t agree but my mother bought a black semi leather vest. With that my father could agree and I looked a little bit decent but still sexy, which is what I wanted of course. I also got my first shoes with a little heel and felt very good about it. From my allowance I bought some make-up and of course I overdid it and my father didn’t agree because he said I looked like a hooker and my mother said I looked like a walking painting. They both said that I didn’t need make-up because I was a natural beauty and of course I didn’t agree with them because I saw another face in the mirror. To please my parents, I took it off and just put lipstick on my lips and decided when I would go to my friend’s house that I would put make-up on how I wanted it. What about my hair? It was long blond hair in waves and I looked like an angel but I was not satisfied and overnight I made braids so my waves became stronger. Also, from my allowance I bought some cheap jewelry but made sure that I had big earrings in. At that time a necklace made from velvet was fashionable so I bought black velvet and sewed it to fit my neck and hang an earring in because I lost one. Then I had some similar earrings with it and I made a black velvet bracelet too. I sneaked some perfume of my mother’s which she hid beneath the mirror table in her room. Now I was ready to go for my first dance and I felt like a beautiful little lady. 2 My parents were in shock when I showed up how I wanted to look and my father right away ordered my oldest sister to supervise me and she was not at all happy with this. It was her evening out too and she didn’t want to be a baby sitter. She actually had a date, but my parents didn’t know about it because she was afraid they wouldn’t approve. I had very good examples with my sisters who knew exactly how to look to get male turners. Because that is what I wanted too of course to impress the opposite sex. It was a job to get this all together and for a moment I did realize that it was not as easy as I thought it would be. I was so excited and didn’t know what to expect but first I went to my friend’s house for make-up and her parents were more open to it so it was not any problem. I took a lot of tissues with me to use for cleaning my face when I had to return home that night. My oldest sister warned me that she didn’t want to be responsible for me if dad would find out somehow about my make-up. Once when I entered the ballroom, I felt uncomfortable because I didn’t know how to behave. My 2 sisters, my friend and I were assigned to a table and there were some kids dancing already. I loved the music and soon a cute boy came to me and asked me for a dance and God Thanks it was a dance like disco dancing where you were on your own and not touching. I had a good time and loved it but then suddenly the music changed and became ready for slow dancing. Now I was in trouble because I felt shy and insecure. But the cute guy was not planning to stop and took me in his arms and guided me in dancing. It was like I felt in Heaven and never had this feeling before. The light was dimmed and there was a kind of ball on the ceiling with all little mirrors which caused little lights everywhere. I learned to dance at parties at home but that was with family and this was totally different. The guy I was with was 17 years old and he was shocked when he found out I was only 14 years old and dumped me in a second. I did such a good job to be a lady but was not accepted for my young age. There went my feeling of proudness out of the window. This happened at the very end of this first dancing night but I still felt good about the guy and the dancing one after the other song. I had a good time that I will never forget. My father never found out about putting make-up on my face at my friend’s house. Many times, I enjoyed dancing evenings at this young age with very good memories.

It was the year 1969 in April. My older sister of 19 years old worked as a volunteer in a kind of youth clubhouse. In the Netherlands you were allowed to drink alcohol at 16 years old but couldn’t drive a car till you were 21 years old. Since I became 16 years old my parents allowed me to help my sister in the clubhouse by washing the glasses in the bar and they felt better knowing where I was hanging out. There was also good music from the sixties and dancing. I was somewhat shy and enjoyed the music while helping my sister. I was not looking for a boyfriend but there was a guy sitting at the bar who looked bored. He had half long blond hair, a beard with a mustache and beautiful blue eyes with a twinkle in them when he looked at me. He reminded me about a knight tv show called Sir Lancelot and one of the actors named Simeon. OV as a knight. We got to talk about his interest in long distance walks. He signed up for the Kennedy Mars of 80 km (50 miles) within 20 hours in one day and got my attention. He was so passionate about this famous big walk and I enjoyed looking and listening to him. He was a highschool senior also 16 years old and I was at a High School business evening school three nights a week. Because of my mother’s illness I did all the household work in the morning and went in the afternoon to work at the office of the school director. His name was Jack and my name at that time was Anneke. He impressed me with his stories of those walks and somehow he saw my true interest that he invited me to go together on this 80 km walk. Oh wow I loved that gesture but told him that my parents had to approve this and invited him to visit me the next day at home because it was the weekend, so my parents could get a look at him and more likely I would get permission to do this long distance walk. He had a “puch” model moped white colored with a very large steering wheel like they had in the movie “Easy Rider”’ but then on motorcycles. It looked very cool and I felt I had a crush on him. He was the oldest sibling of three in his family and I was the youngest girl of six siblings. He was charming and my parents liked him from the beginning so we got our way and he would pick me up at 4:00AM the following Saturday with his cool moped. At 4:30 AM we could sign in and pay for this walk so by 5:00AM the “Kennedy Mars” would start and Jack was a person that liked the early start. I didn’t have any experience with long distance walking and believe it or not I bought new shoes and used them for the first time and of course my feet protested with blisters. The payment covered the route and 5 stops where there is care of your blisters, free food and hot drinks because mostly this walk is in April and sometimes snowy and cold but it was not be cancelled for any weather conditions. The route went half in the Netherlands and half over hilly Belgium. The night before Jack would pick me up but I hardly slept from the excitement. So I was half sleepy when he picked me up and it was a half hour from our house to the city named Sittard - it was bitter cold that day. Especially that early in the morning but my crush on him overcame all of the discomfort of that day. It was my first time and believe it or not but I walked the whole route with Jack on my side who supported me of course to finish this with him. It rained that day but also the sunshine came out in the afternoon - the hilly part was hard but I did it and when it was not for being with Jack I wouldn’t accomplish it. I had an interesting relationship with Jack for 18 months till he decided to immigrate to Australia with me and we followed some information meetings about what to expect. My parents didn't approve because I was 17 and a half years old and needed their authorization. Shortly after that Jack ended our relationship and left for Australia. He loved to explore the world and so did I. That accomplishment of the long distance walk made me sign up for more Kennedy Marshes and other 4 day evening walks in our area. I went three times to a big 4 day walk called “Nijmegen Four Day Walk” of 40 km a day (25 miles) with bed and breakfast overnights. I loved being together with thousands of people.